Tired

Cohen woke up the other day...his fever had gone down and he had an apt. with the lung specialist next week...so I decided to not take him in...however we did need to get a lung xray for the specialist in time for that apt. so I took advantage of the day off work. Well the radiologist said no signs of pnemonia (yay!) but he has Bronchilitis (DANG IT!!!), considering that's what got him hospitalized a couple months ago, I suddenly didn't feel so good about waiting the week for the specialist...so I took him to his pediatrician....and got a whole bunch of medicine...upped his breathing treatments at home......oh...and found out he had an Ear Infection too, just to top it all off. Cohen has been a different child lately. just MAD and crabby...and needy....and frustrated.. Part of what has been so hard in the past has been that Cohen is ALWAYS happy......so it was hard to know when to really bring him in. It always amounted that I either was too late or too paranoid...I'll get this mom thing down soon hopefully. Anyway, I was trying to feed him and he got mad and hit it out of my hand...it landed across the room. I was sorting laundry and he came and sat in the middle of it, knocked over all my piles and looked very frustrated.....with his hands in the air...I picked him up. He wanted down...I put him down...he cried..... Picked him up, he wanted down...walked in the kitchen he followed crying and crying and crying. That's just a small taste of what the last two days have been like...well meanwhile Jerry and I are trying to get healthy ourselves. jerry's cough is still pretty bad...I kind of think he should go to the doctor. but he always has a gazillion things to do...and bless him, he's trying to put himself last....but it's not so good. Hopefully it will go away soon if not that we'll MAKE time. As for me....Come Tuesday I was feeling awesome...I mean...not 100 percent or anything...like I'm still a lil' congested and what not......my lungs feel tight every now and then...but I was functionable and happy....went to work...had a descent day.....came home...Jerry was feelin pretty good too....had a nice lil' evening together....when Cohen went to bed....well.......Cohen coughed and cried and coughed and cried and coughed and cried...ALL NIGHT LONG.....I went in there to console him....he just coughed and cried....I got a total of 3 hours sleep then I had to be at work this morning. I felt like death when I got up...but I felt like I needed to get in...I only have one more sick day for the whole year...yeah...it's only April...So I went....I felt like some one sucked the life out of me...I had forgotten to eat that morning....I was extremely sleep deprived and I forgot my inhaler at work and It just felt like I had to work harder than normal to breathe....I felt like I was just gonna open the flood gates at the drop of a hat...I HATE THAT FEELING...mainly because I have zero control. I felt like someone was trying to push me into the ground and I was tryin to resist..some half hours were better than others...but I just felt like crap. Achy body, head ache, extremely congested...I feel like I took steps way backwards in getting healthy....Finally at 11 I decided to listen to my body and go home and take a nap...I had every intention of going back to work at 1....But I had a melt down. Compelete emotional and physical melt down. I'm just so tired. With a sick family...trying to move.....having to work and feeling like if I don't we're in trouble....anyway...my hour nap turned into 4 1/2 hours...I feel a little better...but I just need real time to get completely healthy.....More hours in the day...that's all I need...Is that too much to ask? Okay I'm done with my pitty party. ha ha...sorry that last couple emails have been kinda downers....I feel better when I vent....and again...my blog is my journal :).Things will get better, I'm confident in that. I have so so SO much to be greatful for. An AMAZING hubba and baby boy, A roof over my head, food on our table, and lots and lots of love. I am the luckiest girl ever to have these trials so I can get strong and over come them and feel good about myself :). The Mosers WILL get well :)!